“We hurt others, we lie to ourselves, we hate, we blame others, we regret, but even if we are weak, and even if it is our fate to disappear entirely I think the will to change the future is still an important one. We must try to change the things around us, little by little. Even if it is one step at a time, and even if everything is already predetermined, it isn’t something for us to be sad about. No, on the contrary, the future is overflowing with hope. And we have infinite paths to choose from.”
Four long years have passed. It doesn’t seem possible, my memories floating as if down a fast stream. But it’s over. Life as an undergrad, that is.
Was it worth it? Well, time will tell once I get a job, but, for right now, I am satisfied. I’ve learned a lot, whether I want to be a pessimist and deny it or not. Not just the material in my major and minors, but life lessons.
I’ve learned to stand firm by my ideals and ask questions. That last one may sound silly, but I am always afraid to ask questions to avoid sounding like a complete idiot. But my experience as a student and an officer of a few clubs gave me the experience I needed to be less meek. Of course, I am still quite meek but not as much as I used to be.
Through trial and error, I’ve learned how to be a leader. Now, I’m not the perfect leader – I’ve always seen myself as a follower – but I’ve learned the basics and feel confident giving people different tasks. If I see a problem, I try to point it out more often. And if there is an argument, I try to keep my cool, but I’m still really bad at that. If my presidency in anime club and my job at HRL taught me anything it’s that being a good leader takes some trial and error.
But I’ve also learned to be more sociable. Seriously, college introduced me to so many amazing people. I sometimes wonder why some of them put up with me, but I enjoyed their company. The fact that I may never see them again saddens me. Sure, there’s Facebook, Twitter, etc., but actually seeing them in person tends to hold more weight (except for my awesome Xenosaga friends, but I wish I could meet you guys irl some day!). I will miss them, even if I fade away in their memories as that dumb guy who liked Xenosaga and Evangelion a bit too much.
Now is the time to prove I am worth something. Now is the time to take the next step in my life. To be honest, I’m scared, even though my toe is only testing the waters. But I know I can’t go back and just sit by the pool. I need to jump in.
So, to my mother, father, sister, and brother, thank you for encouraging me and helping me get through life in college. Especially my parents; I owe them so much that I should be paying them for the rest of my life. To my close friends, from high school to just a few months ago, thank you for being there for me. I know I’m not the best friend at times, but I really appreciate you being in my life. If you ever need me, I’ll be there. To my professors, thank you for teaching me not only the material in your classes but how the world works beyond the chalkboard. I hope to remain in contact with some of you.
I will not say goodbye, because I hope to see you all again someday. See you later.
“That doesn’t mean it’s okay for you to give up! If you do, I’ll never forgive you as long as I live. God knows I’m not perfect either. I’ve made tons of stupid mistakes and later I regretted them. And I’ve done it over and over again, thousands of times. A cycle of hollow joy and vicious self-hatred. But even so, every time I learned something about myself.”